Its a Small World
by sarmi147
Summary: It takes place some time in AtS season 5 after Damage. Andrew has spilled the beans about Spike to Xander, who takes it upon himself to visit our favorite blond vampire.


Title: It's a Small World

Category: Post-BTVS Finale

Genres: Angst

Rating G

Category: post Damage

Disclaimer: Joss is Boss, etc. I own nothing. You get the picture.

Authors note: This is he second of 3 related ficlets. They work as both stand alone stories and chapters in a greater arch.

Summary: . It takes place some time in AtS season 5 after Damage. Andrew has spilled the beans about Spike to Xander, who takes it upon himself to visit our favorite blond vampire.

A basement. Who would have guessed? Not much has changed.

But that's not really true. Everything changed on the edge of that crater. While I maybe traipsing all over the continents, that day the world got a little smaller.

But hell, maybe I only feel that way because I can only see half of it.

I don't want to be here, standing in this midewy hallway with that touch of oude du cabbage.

I sure as hell don't want to have to see the bleached wonder.

Damn him for putting me here. And damn dead boy as well. He should be the one to have to do this. But ever since Andrew let it slip that he was alive I knew I would have to make this trip. I owe her that. After everything she needs to know this. And he needs to tell her.

As much as I hate him, he's the only one that can get that look out of her eyes.

Everyone else thinks she's okay and moving on. I know the truth. When I look into her eyes I see that same empty that reflects in my own bathroom mirror.

So that's how I came to be...

"What do you want?"

...standing in front of a now open door and a cranky vampire.

Well I guess not much really does change. Spike snarky; that I know how to deal with.

"Gee Spike it is so good to see that you are not dust anymore."

As he appraises me he sees the stake sticking out of my cargo pants pocket.

"What, you come here to try and fix that?"

Honestly the thought actually hadn't occurred to me. I don't know when but somewhere along the line killing Spike stopped seeming like a good idea. Of course that doesn't mean I have to stop disliking the blond asshole.

"Nah, what's the _point_, it's already been done. I'll just _stick_ to annoying you. It's much more entertaining."

I don't wait for an invite that I know will never come, so I just make myself at home. This place is kind of sad. The crypt had more style than this hole. I don't say that, though, I decide to just get right to the point.

"I think the real question is why are you here?"

I swear he flinches, and for just a second I see a flash of hurt across the cool arrogant planes of his face. But it's gone as soon as he says…

"So she sent her Boy to come and get me. I knew Andrew wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut but I didn't think she would send you."

"Okay, first thing, stop calling me her Boy. Second, Buffy doesn't know I'm here, least of all that you are."

"Oh, so you just dropped by to what, tell me to keep it that way? Don't worry; I haven't made any cruise plans for the Love Boat. I'm not planning on dropping by to upset her new life."

Great, now he's angry. Angry Spike not as much fun as Snarky Spike.

"Did dying make you stupider? Because you used to be eerily perceptive. Must be all that time your spending with Dead Boy Sr."

Usually when anyone mentions Angel's name Spike gets all twitchy. It's one of the few things we have in common. Actually, I think he hates him more than I do. But he doesn't pitch a fit, he just looks at me sort of confused, so I decide to run with it.

"You found yourself a nice little hidey hole here. At least it's a step up from the school basement. I mean a shower, big plus. Its bad enough I have to see you, but smell you, that I can definitely live without."

Ooh, an eyebrow raise. I can tell he is still confused but he is going to play it off.

"You got a point to all this, because, if not, your interrupting my drinking," he snarks back.

They don't call me the one who sees for nothing.

"My point, Spike, is this, I've thought a lot of bad things about you, most as far as I can tell are still true, but I never thought you were a coward."

I forgot how fast he could move. Sometimes even I forget that he's not really human. Because one second he was sitting sprawled out all over the kitchen chair and the next he was standing eye to eye with me. Or more accurately, eyes to eye with me.

"Coward? Where do you get off monkey boy?"

For all his bravado, he doesn't scare me anymore. I've seen true evil; Spike's not even evil flavored. So I push right back.

"Yeah, because it's real brave pretending to be dead."

"I am dead, remember. Something you used to be real fond of reminding me."

Well he does have a point. But then again so do I.

"Well the vampire I remember never let a little death get in his way."

"What on earth are you possibly talking about?"

He's gonna make me say it. Please don't make me say it.

"Buffy." Bastard made me say it.

"I remember when there wasn't anything that would keep you away. I never thought you'd be like him and run away. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the evil tree."

I must have thoroughly confused him, because he walked over and pinched me.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Just making sure you weren't the First. Last time I checked monkey boy wanted me as far away from the Slayer as possible."

He's right. If I had my way he could just stay in this hole forever and Buffy would just get over him.

"Yeah, well I still do. I said she didn't send me. That doesn't mean I didn't come for her."

Back at the kitchen table, Spike cocks his head at me while he lights a cigarette.

"Way I hear it she's doing okay. Living on ziti and what not. Got herself a nice, normal life."

"Sure, you know Buffy, all smiles and pasta and fake happily ever afters. You died. What did you think, she would just ride off into the sunrise and that wouldn't affect her? She mourned you, hell she still is. How can you just sit here with her half a world away thinking you're dead. You really are a selfish bastard."

He didn't rage at me. Instead he got real quiet and still. The still only the dead can do. He looked up at me his face a mask of challenge.

"She's living the normal life she always wanted. I'm not part of that. She will be fine without me."

"Keep telling yourself that Spike and maybe one of these days it will be true."

I guess the disgust in my voice broke through the calm exterior because he was a blur of rage as he paced the small kitchen. He looked at me indignantly.

"Do you honestly think that I like sitting here? That every day my first thought isn't hopping the first jet to Popesville. She has a chance at a _real_ life."

I don't even bother to respond. So I just glare. It's pretty effective all things considered.

"What do you want me to do? Just show up. Say hey, you know that dying thing, didn't really work out."

"That's exactly what I expect you to do." I raged back. "Wouldn't you want to know if it was her? I know I would if it was Anya."

The moment I said it the rage broke and I felt a sick feeling in my stomach. It was as if all the fight left both of our bodies. When I looked up at his face I saw that same haunted look he wore the entire summer she was gone. It was as if he was suddenly back in Sunnydale and she was still in the ground.

"How can you not tell her? How can you pass up this chance? Do you know what I would give to be able to be with Anya again? I know you do, because you lost her once."

Whose the bastard now? Shaming him with Buffy's death is not one of my finest hours, but I know it is the only thing that will work. He won't even look me in the eye; he just seems to have picked a spot on the grimy wall while he clenches his jaw so hard the muscle in his cheek twitches.

All I can hope is that I have managed to accomplish my mission.

"I didn't come here to haul you back or give you an ultimatum. I won't tell here you're back. Because I'm not the one she needs to hear it from. But if you are too scared, stay here. And leave her to mourn who you were."

As I walk toward the door I set a folded piece of paper on the top of the TV.

"This is where she is at."

With that I walk out the door. Back to the cabbage hallway, and into a very small world.


End file.
